Kids went with their dad Friday night. I drove them to him and went and had dinner with R. Not sure I have mentioned R, but he is a guy I see when I go back home to visit. He's quite wonderful and we have fun together. Our distance and his job make things tough to see each other, but when we do get together, it's always a good time.
So after I spent time with R, I headed to the bar. My baby brother kept texting me to meet up with him.....oh what a night! I'm in the bar 10 min and this guy comes over to me, asking me to dance. I said no. He stands behind me while I am talking with a friend from town. He taps me on the shoulder several times, motioning to the dance floor. I shake my head no. Finally, I can't stand it and I say one dance. Dear Lord I could not stop laughing. This dude was ALL OVER ME! Trying to keep his hands off places they shouldn't be proved interesting. My brother posted a video on FB and you catch a glimpse of me with my hands locked in his, up in the air and he's trying to grind on me. WTF! Can't a woman go out to just drink? Needless to say, he bothered me, and several other women all night! I literally ducked out of the bar so he wouldn't follow me. Turns out, 5 minutes after I left, he got kicked out by the police! Heading back home next weekend too. Wonder if I can actually go out without having to fend off creepy men?
When I am back home at my parents, my phone is blowing up. It's sad really. All these lonely, horny men looking for a piece of ass, not wanting a relationship at all. When I was first single, the attention was nice. Now it's just annoying. All I want is a committed, stable relationship. Is that too much to ask? It's depressing dating. It really is.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
This and that
I am truly blessed. My friend Scott stopped by this morning, with coffee, to see how I was doing. He stayed and helped me dig out my van. 2 hours we were outside. Although it is not completely dug out, I can get in and out of my spot. He was my angel today!
I have been in such a depressive funk lately. Not sure if it's the weather or loneliness, but it sucks. It was good to be out in the sun today, even if it was to chop ice. I'm so ready for warm weather.
I died my hair today. Color is too dark, but my gray is gone. I guess I will have to always color now so I don'y have gray roots. UGH
Odyssey of the Mind tonight. I can't wait until this is over!!! I volunteered to be a judge on competition day. What did I get myself into? I will have to be in the Poconos very early in the morning on competition day and that means S will be stuck with R all day. I will probably miss his competition. :(
Kids go with their dad this weekend and I am looking forward to Friday night. It seems like forever since I was with another adult. I'm hoping it's a good time.
I know, lame ass blog today. Sorry.
~Chel
I have been in such a depressive funk lately. Not sure if it's the weather or loneliness, but it sucks. It was good to be out in the sun today, even if it was to chop ice. I'm so ready for warm weather.
I died my hair today. Color is too dark, but my gray is gone. I guess I will have to always color now so I don'y have gray roots. UGH
Odyssey of the Mind tonight. I can't wait until this is over!!! I volunteered to be a judge on competition day. What did I get myself into? I will have to be in the Poconos very early in the morning on competition day and that means S will be stuck with R all day. I will probably miss his competition. :(
Kids go with their dad this weekend and I am looking forward to Friday night. It seems like forever since I was with another adult. I'm hoping it's a good time.
I know, lame ass blog today. Sorry.
~Chel
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Some days
I'm sure every divorced mom agrees, some days just suck. That was yesterday. Not because the kids were bad, but because life is hard when you don't have someone in your corner, daily.
My ex ruined our marriage and for what? He messed up all our lives for a piece of ass. And now the word on the street is there is trouble for the newlyweds. I couldn't help but think why? Why did you do this you selfish bastard? Was it worth it? I know it wasn't. He misses our family as much as I do, but there is no going back. The trust is gone, completely. The funny thing is, when he asked to come home, for the third time, I was considering taking him back. The only requirement I had was for him to win me back. I wanted to know there was a real desire to repair our family and not just him looking for an easy way out of his relationship. Obviously he didn't put forth the effort. The clincher was when he text me "you need to decide if you are taking me back or not because my wedding is coming up." LMFAO
I cried myself to sleep last night, after my ex called to talk with the boys @10. Not because I love my ex. Not because I miss him. But because I miss the family life. I don't need my ex to have that. I do need a man willing to step up to the plat that another man left on the table. What I am finding is the majority of men in the dating pool are also selfish. They won't go out of their way or inconvenience themselves at all. They don't want kids in their life, let alone help parent them. Some of them are afraid of being hurt. Some of them are just tools. I am not giving up hope.
I am taking chances even though I was hurt.....hell, I still am hurt. Wanting to be happy outweighs my fear of being hurt though. Will I get hurt again, I'm sure. It may not be a big hurt, but I will get hurt. Life goes on.
Remember that and never give up on love!!!
~Chel
My ex ruined our marriage and for what? He messed up all our lives for a piece of ass. And now the word on the street is there is trouble for the newlyweds. I couldn't help but think why? Why did you do this you selfish bastard? Was it worth it? I know it wasn't. He misses our family as much as I do, but there is no going back. The trust is gone, completely. The funny thing is, when he asked to come home, for the third time, I was considering taking him back. The only requirement I had was for him to win me back. I wanted to know there was a real desire to repair our family and not just him looking for an easy way out of his relationship. Obviously he didn't put forth the effort. The clincher was when he text me "you need to decide if you are taking me back or not because my wedding is coming up." LMFAO
I cried myself to sleep last night, after my ex called to talk with the boys @10. Not because I love my ex. Not because I miss him. But because I miss the family life. I don't need my ex to have that. I do need a man willing to step up to the plat that another man left on the table. What I am finding is the majority of men in the dating pool are also selfish. They won't go out of their way or inconvenience themselves at all. They don't want kids in their life, let alone help parent them. Some of them are afraid of being hurt. Some of them are just tools. I am not giving up hope.
I am taking chances even though I was hurt.....hell, I still am hurt. Wanting to be happy outweighs my fear of being hurt though. Will I get hurt again, I'm sure. It may not be a big hurt, but I will get hurt. Life goes on.
Remember that and never give up on love!!!
~Chel
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Dreams
Last night I had S & her 2 kids over for dinner, as a thank you for watching my boys. We had Chicken, Spinach & Feta sausage (yum), potatoes & corn. S & I sat chatting about her favorite subject, the state of my love life. S isn't afraid to be honest with me, even if it's something I really don't want to hear.
After they went home, I watched some TV. Went to bed quite late. That's when the crazy dreams began. I awoke with my head spinning, trying to piece together all these insane things that happened in my dream and why would I dream them??? I hate to have my heart played with, and it's even worse when it happens in a dream.
My dream......
I'm at a bar with a group of friends from HS. It's present day. I have no idea where this bar is. I have never seen it before. We are drinking and I look over to see a man from OKC who I had been chatting with in real life. My friend notices I am looking at this man and she says "he's cute, isn't he?" Before I can answer, she says, "He was over here chatting with me before you came. We are hooking up after I leave." I told her that was a bad idea. I explained how I knew him and that he just wants her to have sex with him & his Transvestite friend. She explains to me that his "friend" is in the bar and she is ok with all of it. She points out the "friend" and OMG, she is SMOKING HOT. I am like, that can't be? Sure enough, the 2 of them walk over, the guy from OKC grabs my hand, places it on her privates and says "it's a monster." I turn away and there is my ex husband. I'm thinking WTF? I ask why he is there. He says he's just out for a drink. The kicker is, he has really long hair! My ex husband shaves his head. So we talk about the kids for a bit and I get up and make my way over to talk with my friends. The bartender comes over, gives me a Margarita, says it's on the house. He comes from behind the bar, hands me a cigarette and I light it up. I tell him I haven't smoked since Dec. 27th. I remember thinking how good it felt to smoke. The night goes on and I get a text. It's from someone who in real life has my heart. I agree to meet him and we spend the night together at his place. The next morning I wake up with his dog beside me and a note on his pillow. He asks me not to get up but to wait until he gets back. I'm thinking how wonderful is this? Maybe he is finally ready to open up and let me in. I doze back off and I hear the door open......He is standing there with another woman. He asks me to get up and leave. I keep saying "what's going on?" He won't answer. I'm bawling my eyes out, I leave and drive away and that's when I wake up.
Rule #146, don't eat Chicken, Spinach & Feta sausage & talk about your love life.
~Chel
After they went home, I watched some TV. Went to bed quite late. That's when the crazy dreams began. I awoke with my head spinning, trying to piece together all these insane things that happened in my dream and why would I dream them??? I hate to have my heart played with, and it's even worse when it happens in a dream.
My dream......
I'm at a bar with a group of friends from HS. It's present day. I have no idea where this bar is. I have never seen it before. We are drinking and I look over to see a man from OKC who I had been chatting with in real life. My friend notices I am looking at this man and she says "he's cute, isn't he?" Before I can answer, she says, "He was over here chatting with me before you came. We are hooking up after I leave." I told her that was a bad idea. I explained how I knew him and that he just wants her to have sex with him & his Transvestite friend. She explains to me that his "friend" is in the bar and she is ok with all of it. She points out the "friend" and OMG, she is SMOKING HOT. I am like, that can't be? Sure enough, the 2 of them walk over, the guy from OKC grabs my hand, places it on her privates and says "it's a monster." I turn away and there is my ex husband. I'm thinking WTF? I ask why he is there. He says he's just out for a drink. The kicker is, he has really long hair! My ex husband shaves his head. So we talk about the kids for a bit and I get up and make my way over to talk with my friends. The bartender comes over, gives me a Margarita, says it's on the house. He comes from behind the bar, hands me a cigarette and I light it up. I tell him I haven't smoked since Dec. 27th. I remember thinking how good it felt to smoke. The night goes on and I get a text. It's from someone who in real life has my heart. I agree to meet him and we spend the night together at his place. The next morning I wake up with his dog beside me and a note on his pillow. He asks me not to get up but to wait until he gets back. I'm thinking how wonderful is this? Maybe he is finally ready to open up and let me in. I doze back off and I hear the door open......He is standing there with another woman. He asks me to get up and leave. I keep saying "what's going on?" He won't answer. I'm bawling my eyes out, I leave and drive away and that's when I wake up.
Rule #146, don't eat Chicken, Spinach & Feta sausage & talk about your love life.
~Chel
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Anxiety in children
I have suffered from anxiety for most of my life. Everyone just told you to "get over it" - "shit happens" - "stop being a baby" etc. No coddling.
Then I had a nervous breakdown at 30 and that changed my life. It shaped the way I parent my kids. The divorce really changed my parenting. Instead of being a hard ass mom, I find myself looking deeper into the issues. Why are they acting out? What has them stressed? The emotions run high most days in our house. I try to keep a stress free environment, but sometimes I can't.
Last night my kids were going to sleep at my friend's house. I needed her to watch them because I had to get up and be somewhere an hour away, by 9am. R & L were excited for days! She has kids and my boys love to play with them! Time came to get ready to leave and L has a breakdown. My usually easy-going child is now bawling his eyes out. At first I thought it was because he wanted to stay home to play xBox360. Tried to talk with him. He doesn't want me to leave him there. He thinks I'm not coming back. He says to me "what if you die?" He was a wreck. Abandonment by a parent takes a toll on kids, whether you see it or not. You may think your kids are dealing with things well and then, BAM! Until it was all said and done, L, R & I were crying.
The boys stayed at my friends house and were fine. I stayed and watched a movie with her so the boys knew I wasn't abandoning them or going out having a good time. I actually got done earlier than expected and when I went to pick them up, they didn't want to leave!
Parenting can be stressful. Single parenting sucks! Put your kids first. Think about what your selfish actions will do to your child.
~Chel
Then I had a nervous breakdown at 30 and that changed my life. It shaped the way I parent my kids. The divorce really changed my parenting. Instead of being a hard ass mom, I find myself looking deeper into the issues. Why are they acting out? What has them stressed? The emotions run high most days in our house. I try to keep a stress free environment, but sometimes I can't.
Last night my kids were going to sleep at my friend's house. I needed her to watch them because I had to get up and be somewhere an hour away, by 9am. R & L were excited for days! She has kids and my boys love to play with them! Time came to get ready to leave and L has a breakdown. My usually easy-going child is now bawling his eyes out. At first I thought it was because he wanted to stay home to play xBox360. Tried to talk with him. He doesn't want me to leave him there. He thinks I'm not coming back. He says to me "what if you die?" He was a wreck. Abandonment by a parent takes a toll on kids, whether you see it or not. You may think your kids are dealing with things well and then, BAM! Until it was all said and done, L, R & I were crying.
The boys stayed at my friends house and were fine. I stayed and watched a movie with her so the boys knew I wasn't abandoning them or going out having a good time. I actually got done earlier than expected and when I went to pick them up, they didn't want to leave!
Parenting can be stressful. Single parenting sucks! Put your kids first. Think about what your selfish actions will do to your child.
~Chel
Friday, January 31, 2014
It's Friday, so what.
The weekend doesn't mean the same anymore. Sure, I don't have to do homework with the kids (well, sometimes), but I don't get adult time either. It's the winter. I can't sit on my patio to escape and relax.
Tonight the kids are sleeping at a friend's house because I have to leave my house at 7:30 tomorrow morning for a HOT date! Odyssey of the Mind Judge's training in East Stroudsburg. I'm doing this for R. He loves OM. So I have a kid-free Friday night and I will probably watch Netflix.....and drink.
I'm slowly learning my flaws when it comes to dating. I'm too f*cking nice. My friend S keeps telling me "Men love bitches. They love to be treated like shit." I don't agree, but who knows, maybe she is right? I won't lie, I love taking care of a man. I like to have the house clean, laundry done, dinner made, grass cut, etc. all so he can come home from work and relax. Again, finding someone worthy is the trick.
I guess the one thing my ex did (when not having extra curricular activities) was spend the majority of his time with me. We did everything together. We were best friends. It was nice. My first relationship after my marriage ended was the same way also. Now I'm finding most men want their cake and to eat it. They don't want to sacrifice any of "their" time to invest into a relationship. Sure, couples should have time to do their own things, but you have to put some effort into keeping your partner happy.
The thing that worries me the most about spending all this time without a partner is that the men I have met who have been alone for some time, tend to like to be alone. I don't want to get like that!!!
I hope you all have an enjoyable weekend. Be safe & Stay warm!
~Chel
Tonight the kids are sleeping at a friend's house because I have to leave my house at 7:30 tomorrow morning for a HOT date! Odyssey of the Mind Judge's training in East Stroudsburg. I'm doing this for R. He loves OM. So I have a kid-free Friday night and I will probably watch Netflix.....and drink.
I'm slowly learning my flaws when it comes to dating. I'm too f*cking nice. My friend S keeps telling me "Men love bitches. They love to be treated like shit." I don't agree, but who knows, maybe she is right? I won't lie, I love taking care of a man. I like to have the house clean, laundry done, dinner made, grass cut, etc. all so he can come home from work and relax. Again, finding someone worthy is the trick.
I guess the one thing my ex did (when not having extra curricular activities) was spend the majority of his time with me. We did everything together. We were best friends. It was nice. My first relationship after my marriage ended was the same way also. Now I'm finding most men want their cake and to eat it. They don't want to sacrifice any of "their" time to invest into a relationship. Sure, couples should have time to do their own things, but you have to put some effort into keeping your partner happy.
The thing that worries me the most about spending all this time without a partner is that the men I have met who have been alone for some time, tend to like to be alone. I don't want to get like that!!!
I hope you all have an enjoyable weekend. Be safe & Stay warm!
~Chel
Thursday, January 30, 2014
OKC - The Land of Misfit Boys
Yesterday's blog was about how I became single. I've decided I'm not going to go into too much detail about my 2 relationships after my ex-husband.
The first I rushed into because I was devastated at my marriage being over and 14 months into that relationship, I got a wake-up call! The sad thing is, I never felt love like that before and even though it was a roller coaster ride, he taught me how I need to be loved.
The second I met on OKC, 2 weeks after the first relationship ended. I know you are thinking "whoa." It wasn't meant to be a relationship, just a casual fling. I just wanted to go out and have fun. The more time I spent with this man though, the more I started to fall and fall hard. Rule #1 for single women, keep that heart under wraps! I'm good at giving advice, but not taking it. I had a wonderful summer with him. 4 months later, he "friend zoned" me. So many things ran through my head.....I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, he hates my boys......and the list goes on. I realized it doesn't matter why he did it, he did it and I had to move on.
I'm a good person. I'm genuine, caring, funny, compassionate.....I have a lot to offer a man. The trick is finding a man who is worthy of my love. Yep, I said worthy! I'm tired of playing the dating game. Frankly, it sucks!!!
A friend of mine met a great guy on OKCupid and suggested I join after the first relationship ended. M, you had a stroke of good luck. The men on OKC here in PA are a joke! Let me tell you about some of the ones I chatted with.
H - The Iranian. Works at Lockheed Martin. Lives in DE. Looking for a wife (probably to stay in the U.S. although he said he had citizenship) and she had to like to travel. Chatted with him a few weeks. Told me he was going to look for a job at a University close to me. WHOA! Slow down. He told me I could be Queen except in the bedroom. He wanted me to be subservient to him at all times in the bedroom. LMFAO!
T - he just wants sex
R - seemed very nice, we chatted for a few days, met him for lunch and that was that. Total creep!
K - another that just wants sex
M - we met the first time I was on OKC and when he saw I was back we started chatting again. Nice man. Great job. Seemed like he had his act together. Wanted our first meeting to be at a motel with him and his other girlfriend. WTF?
J - was trying to steer clear of men whose name started with J. Very charming. Has kids around the ages of my boys. Funny as hell. He is looking for the same things I am looking for in a relationship but he has one twist. He wants someone who will go to the nudist camp in our area and swing with other couples.
W- I actually didn't meet him on a dating site. Knew him from school. He is now single and it didn't take long to find out why. It's not all about you!
M - this guy takes the cake! Very Italian. Lives in NJ, works in NYC. Kids are grown. Plays a smooth game. Tells me he has a transvestite that he likes to have sex with on occasion and wants to know if I would be into something like that? ROFLMFAO!!! um, NO!
I deleted my OKC account and POF (Plenty of Fish) months ago. Same men on both. I have been taking time to reflect on my life and now I know exactly what I want and need. The trick is getting it. Time will tell!
~Chel
The first I rushed into because I was devastated at my marriage being over and 14 months into that relationship, I got a wake-up call! The sad thing is, I never felt love like that before and even though it was a roller coaster ride, he taught me how I need to be loved.
The second I met on OKC, 2 weeks after the first relationship ended. I know you are thinking "whoa." It wasn't meant to be a relationship, just a casual fling. I just wanted to go out and have fun. The more time I spent with this man though, the more I started to fall and fall hard. Rule #1 for single women, keep that heart under wraps! I'm good at giving advice, but not taking it. I had a wonderful summer with him. 4 months later, he "friend zoned" me. So many things ran through my head.....I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, he hates my boys......and the list goes on. I realized it doesn't matter why he did it, he did it and I had to move on.
I'm a good person. I'm genuine, caring, funny, compassionate.....I have a lot to offer a man. The trick is finding a man who is worthy of my love. Yep, I said worthy! I'm tired of playing the dating game. Frankly, it sucks!!!
A friend of mine met a great guy on OKCupid and suggested I join after the first relationship ended. M, you had a stroke of good luck. The men on OKC here in PA are a joke! Let me tell you about some of the ones I chatted with.
H - The Iranian. Works at Lockheed Martin. Lives in DE. Looking for a wife (probably to stay in the U.S. although he said he had citizenship) and she had to like to travel. Chatted with him a few weeks. Told me he was going to look for a job at a University close to me. WHOA! Slow down. He told me I could be Queen except in the bedroom. He wanted me to be subservient to him at all times in the bedroom. LMFAO!
R - seemed very nice, we chatted for a few days, met him for lunch and that was that. Total creep!
K - another that just wants sex
M - we met the first time I was on OKC and when he saw I was back we started chatting again. Nice man. Great job. Seemed like he had his act together. Wanted our first meeting to be at a motel with him and his other girlfriend. WTF?
J - was trying to steer clear of men whose name started with J. Very charming. Has kids around the ages of my boys. Funny as hell. He is looking for the same things I am looking for in a relationship but he has one twist. He wants someone who will go to the nudist camp in our area and swing with other couples.
W- I actually didn't meet him on a dating site. Knew him from school. He is now single and it didn't take long to find out why. It's not all about you!
M - this guy takes the cake! Very Italian. Lives in NJ, works in NYC. Kids are grown. Plays a smooth game. Tells me he has a transvestite that he likes to have sex with on occasion and wants to know if I would be into something like that? ROFLMFAO!!! um, NO!
I deleted my OKC account and POF (Plenty of Fish) months ago. Same men on both. I have been taking time to reflect on my life and now I know exactly what I want and need. The trick is getting it. Time will tell!
~Chel
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